There is no question that divorce is one of the top stressors that someone can deal with if it happens to them. The stress of a divorce can wreak havoc on the mind and the body – if you let it. Managing your stress is important, not only for the sake of your health but for the well being of your family and those involved. Knowing how to approach difficult situations and staying focused on what’s important can really help.
Take the Civil Road
Divorce opens up a lot of emotions and it has been known to bring out the worst in people. Just because your ex is rude or nasty doesn’t mean you have to return the treatment. Don’t allow yourself to get roped into the negativity or try to retaliate against a negative gesture. Instead, take the high road and remain civil. You may surprise yourself and your ex by your positive responses. For legal issues out of your control, let your attorney and the court handle them. You’ll find you’re a much more peaceful person if you practice restraint.
Check Your Emotions on the Regular
Your emotions are real and you need to be sure that they are acknowledged and remain healthy. Don’t ignore them or bury them deep inside. Hiding or ignoring your feelings can lead to bigger issues. Some people may turn to the dependence of drugs or alcohol to cope with their feelings, which is a dangerous way of dealing with raw emotions. Do a routine checkup of your emotions and ask yourself: how you are feeling? If you find yourself feeling down, try something to lift your spirits and remain positive.
Don’t Change Your Routine
It’s easy to get distracted while dealing with a divorce. You can easily get wrapped up in the negative emotions that prevent you from wanting to take care of routine tasks. Neglecting your routine can cause a disruption in your life, especially if you have kids. Kids thrive on routine and schedules, so stick to what you have always done to ensure stability for everyone – family dinners, soccer practice, movie night or church. It will also help you realize that despite whatever is going on right now, that things will get back to normal and that not everything in your life will have to change along with your marital status.
Keep Your Dreams and Goals Alive
Keep a journal to write down all your dreams and goals. You can set short-term goals like where you want to be in a few months, at the beginning of the following year, and five years down the road. Make them realistic and attainable so that you don’t get discouraged. Having something else to strive for can help you regain your focus and concentrate on creating a new life for yourself and kids.
If you already have goals that you were and have been working for since before your marriage and your impending divorce, do not let these aspirations out of sight. Keeping them close will keep you motivated and keep you moving forward with your life.
Be Self Aware
Acknowledging where you can make changes in your life allows you to move forward without dragging past issues and baggage along with you as you embark on new adventures and relationships. No one is perfect and there are always things we can do to make ourselves grow into better people. Holding onto the anger and resentment that you may feel towards your ex-partner or your current situation will only hold you back. In order to move on, grow as a person and develop new relationships with others (or sustain the ones you already have) you will need to leave those feelings behind – you do not need to give them any more attention than they deserve.
Let Go of Your Anger
Anger is one of the stronger emotions you could feel but allowing it to consume you or holding onto your anger will only destroy you over time. Don’t let resentment for your ex become your weakness or even your downfall. If you spend all your time trying to settle the score or get even with your ex for a failed marriage, you are leaving little time to work on yourself or building your own bright future, and you will ultimately end up failing yourself.
Keep a Positive Frame of Mind
Don’t let negative thoughts control your mind. Just because your marriage didn’t work out doesn’t you mean you are a failure or that positive things won’t happen for you in the future. Focus on all the good qualities you have and focus on what possibilities still await you.
Focus on Your Future
Do you want to be a divorce-success-story? Then don’t give up on your dreams. Just because the players in the game have changed, it doesn’t mean you have to let go of the dreams you had. If there is a vacation you planned to take, keep those plans alive. Envision where you want to be in the future and continue your drive to make it a reality. Resign to meet those goals. You can make it even more real by talk to your kids about all the great things you’re going to do together in the future and get them onboard with you!